


Blue and Black Silence

by Androids_in_Metropolis



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cute, Depression, M/M, hurtcomfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-24
Updated: 2015-08-24
Packaged: 2018-04-16 23:02:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4643307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Androids_in_Metropolis/pseuds/Androids_in_Metropolis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was a special, star-spangled, black and white silence and they shared it and kept it for themselves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blue and Black Silence

Dad told me blue was my colour. He didn’t know how right he would be. He told me he loved me, and he didn’t know he would be the only one to ever say that. He told me I would do great things...he was lying. 

I wasn’t meant to be going anywhere. Blue is my colour though. No one has said they love me since dad did all those years ago right before he was shot for resisting arrest while he tried to rob a pharmacy for medicine for me. I was dying but he’s the one that died. 

My mom never forgave me. She thinks it’s my fault that he’s dead and that I’m alive. I don’t know; I agree with her on half of it, but if it was my choice, I would have died back then when I was 12 years old and had flu. It was the worst I have ever been sick, and I am always getting sick. I’ve rarely been to a hospital though because we couldn’t afford it. Sometimes I wonder why my parents ever thought it would be a good idea to have a kid. Dad loved me, but mom never did. Dad left me, but mom couldn’t. 

Life’s a bitch. 

Now here I am, a freshmen in college and jacked up on as many pills as a veteran with PTSD in christian nursing home. Blue is the main colour. It’s the colour of half the pills (sickly baby blue). It the colour of my lips when the heat goes out in my dorm room, and the colour of my ex-boyfriend’s hair. It’s the colour of the jello shots I took last night and the colour I see when my hangover makes it hard to open my eyes. 

Blue is the colour of the emotion that I feel. It’s a blank, and cold, unending blue. 

\--------------------------------

John cuddled into his sweater, his eyes illuminated with the blue light of his computer screen. He was doing homework that his professor had set him in order to make up for the time he had missed when he was sick. He was sick a lot. There was a lot to make up for, and the late nights and stress caused by that left him sicker than before. He could feel tears rising from his eyes from over exhaustion, and a headache was coming on from looking at the screen non-stop for over an hour. 

Soon he was well and fully crying, and he pushed the laptop away, clicking it closed and getting to his feet to try and find his way to the bathroom. His dorm room was nearly empty on his side, but once had had crossed over to his roommate's side it was like a war zone. Every step was like dodging a land mine, but the explosion that would follow would be of paper, dirty clothes, or personal care items. He really met his roommate...Bellamy left early and got in early. Murphy’s schedule rarely crossed Bellamy’s and so when the door opened before he had gotten to it he jumped, falling back into a pile of papers and dirty underwear. 

Murphy didn’t bother getting up, his whole body feeling too heavy to move. He felt sick and tired and he knew tears were still streaming down his face. He didn’t bother looking up to see who was in his room-He was too embarrassed by this time. He must look like an actual mental patient escaped from the ward, lying on the floor crying…

“Hey!” shouted a voice, and Murphy heard someone getting down beside him. He felt sick, and a little dizzy by this time. He wondered if he was completely recovered from his last bout of flu he had had only the day before. He tried to look up to see who had come in but his head wouldn’t cooperate but he could still see tears dripping down onto his pants. 

“Hey,” the voice says again softly, and Murphy feels a large hand on his shoulder. “Murphy, are you okay?” Murphy didn’t reply, not trusting his voice not to shake at that moment. “Murphy, it’s Bellamy, I’m your roommate...you’re scaring me, man,” The voice-Bellamy-said, and he felt someone shifting him off the uncomfortable pile of textbooks he had fallen onto. 

“I...I don’t f-feel s-so goo-d,” Murphy stuttered, letting Bellamy pick him up and shift him to a bed. He assumed it was Bellamy’s bed since it was closer than his would have been. He was tired. He wanted to sleep, but Bellamy was talking to him again. 

\---------------------------

Bellamy looked over at Murphy’s bed trying to check out what might have been going on before he walked in and found him on the floor. He saw a basket of pills which he had never seen before, a bag of chips, and a closed computer. The whole bed was littered with tissues. 

“Murphy, are you okay?” Bellamy whispered, grabbing the basket of pills and looking through them. He knew it was an invasion of privacy...but on the other hand, Murphy obviously needed them. He decided to live with whatever consequences came from looking through Murphy’s things as long as he could get Murphy well enough to get pissed off at him. 

Murphy didn’t reply to his question, or react to his looking through his things. Bellamy was getting increasingly nervous as he dug through the pills-Anti-depressants, pain killers, cold medicine (which he set aside along with the pain killers), and a dozen other things which he assumed were for other illnesses Murphy had or for side effects of the medicine. He wasn’t sure which one he should give to Murphy, but grabbed the cold syrup and poured it into a cup for Murphy, guessing on his weight and handing him the cup.

Murphy dropped it. 

\---------------------------

Murphy’s hands were shaking so badly from the sudden spike in his fever and exhaustion that he couldn’t get the cup to his lips. He was humiliated now. Not only had Bellamy found him fallen in his things, but carried him to his bed, and now he was spilling things on himself and Bellamy’s sheets. 

“I-I’m s-sorry,” he mumbled, watching as Bellamy cleaned up the mess and refilled the cup, this time helping him take it. He was shaking, his teeth chattering. This was worse than he had been yesterday, and he wondered if this was a relapse or something new...maybe he hadn’t really been better at all. 

“It’s okay,” Bellamy smiled, trying to look comforting and it was working. He began to look through the basket again and found some fever reducers, pressing them into Murphy’s mouth and following them with gatorade from under his own bed. He could tell that the drugs had made Murphy sleepy and he smiled, glad that Murphy was relaxing. “Just get some sleep, okay?” 

Bellamy looked down as he felt Murphy take his hand, pulling it onto the bed. 

“S-stay with me, please,” Murphy whispered, barely audible over the sound of the wall fan whirring. 

Bellamy squeezed his hand. He’d stay. He didn’t have anything better to do, honestly.

\-------------------------------

Bellamy wasn’t in his dorm often and he barely knew Murphy, but he liked to think about him sometimes. He had seen him on moving day and thought he was cute, so of course, he walked away. He didn’t like to get attached to people, it was a risk that he couldn’t calculate and that made him a little nervous. He didn’t like that he couldn’t predict how it would work, how they would eventually part. 

He had lost his younger sister and his previous girlfriend during the same week the year before. His mother had died the year before that, his father when his sister was a baby. He’d lost a lot of friends over the years too. 

Bellamy had learned to be very wary of making new connections. 

His whole being wanted to make a connection with Murphy. Murphy was strange. He was a puzzle, a new piece showing up every now and then. Murphy had little pieces that he seemed to leave for Bellamy to pick up (sometimes literally) and it made Bellamy want to know him. 

Murphy left food out for him sometimes when he got home from work at 2 or 3 in the morning. Even though they almost never talked the two had grown friendly...It was special. 

\------------------------------------

Murphy woke up over three hours later, feeling ten times better, though he was a little hungry, a little dizzy, and a little bit heavy lidded. He looked around the room, wondering what was going on...why was he asleep? Things started to fit into place as he saw Bellamy sleeping with his head on the bed beside him, his body supported by a chair dragged up next to his bed. He hadn’t left…

“You’re awake?” Bellamy said sleepily, his voice a little gravily. He had shaken himself awake when he felt the bed shifting beneath him, his brain immediately switching on. He sat up straight, looking Murphy over and looking for any signs of his lack of well being. He checked his eyes, looking for fever light in the darkness. He found none. His fever must have broken while I was asleep, Bellamy assumed, getting up and smiling at Murphy. 

“Yeah, I’m awake...sorry about-about whatever happened,” Murphy replied, already blushing and shifting to get out of Bellamy’s bed. He was glad to see the cough syrup he remembered spilling hadn't left a stain on the other boy’s sheets. “Thanks for, uh, taking care of me.”

Bellamy shook his head, pushing Murphy gently back onto the bed and handing him a glass of water. He wasn’t getting away that easy; There was some explaining to be done now that he was feeling a bit better. He couldn’t just wait for something like that to happen again and hope he was home to make sure that Murphy was alright. 

“Want to tell me what was going on?” Bellamy asked, not leaving much room for any answer except for an explanation. “You were pretty messed up, man. I mean, you scared me,” he admitted, quickly switching his gaze to back down towards his feet. 

“Uh, I just...I was tired, that’s all.” Murphy bluffed, his heart racing. Bellamy wasn’t allowed into his life, even if he deserved it. He hadn’t trusted someone in a long time, and much as he really, really wanted Bellamy to know every thing (to always be there for him) he couldn’t bring himself to do so that easily. He wanted to kiss him, and always wait up for him, and tell him he was beautiful. That wasn’t an option either. There is no easy way out, not now. 

“Please, tell me,” Bellamy pressed on, as Murphy had half hoped he would. He would fight spilling the beans, but if Bellamy fought too, he would end up doing it. He wasn’t against it, not if Bellamy was serious about wanting to know and about wanting to be there for him...of course it would be putting a lot of pressure on someone he really barely knew. He wanted to know him though…

“Please,” Bellamy repeated, feeling suddenly the gravity of the situation. He was asking to see someone’s soul, and that someone didn’t know he was willing to stay with him if he wanted him to. “I won’t run away. I want to get to know you, Murphy. You’re...You’re pretty cute.” 

“I’ve got issues, Blake, you don’t want to know me,” Murphy said, a little frantic. He wasn’t sure if he wanted Bellamy to stay with him because then when he left it would only hurt more. He knew he was sounding like a cliche, and that cliches are rarely taken seriously. He hoped he was being taken seriously. 

“And what if I do?” asked Bellamy, smiling softly. This argument was getting silly, and both of them knew it. “I won’t leave. I’ll pinky swear, if you want,” he offered, holding his hand out and taking Murphy’s in his own. His fingers were skeletal, and Bellamy noted how his hands shook. “Look, Murphy, we’re all messed up. We all got problems, and how we deal with them is a personal matter, but you don’t have to be alone.”

“What part do you want to know about?” Murphy asked, taking a shuddering breath and raised his eyes to look at Bellamy. They had spoken no more than 3 times over the past year, but Murphy felt an odd closeness to the other man and he hoped that Bellamy felt the same way otherwise the situation would be vastly more uncomfortable. 

“Let’s start with you. Tell me about you,” Bellamy offered, his voice low and quiet. He didn’t want to break the moment. He felt like at any moment Murphy could just shatter and he’d never get to know him. He didn’t like that idea...not at all. 

“Well, my first name is John,” Murphy began, almost smiling as Bellamy repeated his name, rolling it around in his mouth and then giving him a smile of approval. “I’m 18 years old, and I am from Philadelphia,” he continued, smiling softly as he remembered his home city. He missed the streets, but not the faces. “When I was 12 my dad was shot to death...I was sick that day and he was trying...he was getting me medicine,” Murphy’s voice cracked as Bellamy got the picture and squeezed his hand a little tighter. “My mom died not too long after that. I lived with my aunt until I was 18, and then I came here and I have a scholarship…” Murphy trailed off, his eyes landing on the basket of pills by the bed. 

“I guess you want to know about those, too?” He asked, raising one of his...perfect eyebrows. He didn’t want to share himself like this, but he did anyway. He wanted Bellamy to know, and he didn’t know why. He deserved to know; They shared a room after all...even if their lives didn’t cross very often, after this, he’d have to know. 

“You don’t have to, but if you want to tell me, I’ll listen,” Bellamy whispered, not sure where the conversation was going back glad it was moving. 

“I was diagnosed with depression after my father died, the next month I was diagnosed with pain...like chronic pain and that comes and goes. I am also just sick a lot...so most of those are just becuase I repeat illnesses. Yesterday...or the day before that, I guess, I had flu.” 

Bellamy smiled, nodding. 

“That’s okay, you remember to take all of those?” he asked, trying to un-ice the conversation which had taken a rather cold tone. He looked at Murphy...he looked pretty good, even after having been in a death sleep after spilling cough syrup on himself. Was that a good thing or a bad thing?

“Yeah, most of the time...I’m still sad though. Sometimes I cry, a lot. Sorry, that’s not the best roommate thing to do. I mean, I uh…” 

Murphy was rambling and Bellamy took his chance, leaning in quickly and pressing his lips against the younger man’s, quickly pulling away and looking at Murphy, waiting for consent to continue. 

It was given.

\---------------------------

“Tell me about you,” Murphy whispered into the dark, Bellamy’s warm body pressed against his. “You know all about me...but I only know what you told me when we first met.” He remembered the first time they met pretty well; Bellamy was a bit late going to college because he was looking for his sister, Octavia. He had never found her. He was 22 years old, and from Chicago. He worked at a bar, and that’s why he wasn’t home much (well that and that when he wasn’t working he was still at said bar). 

“What do you want to know...I already told you everything,” Bellamy whispered back, his breath hot and heavy on Murphy’s shoulder blade. He looked at the younger’s back, admiring his bone structure. The way his torso curved just so, and his shoulders were broad and skinny and round. 

“Tell me about you. What do you like? What are you like when you’re at work?” Murphy asked, running his hand over Bellamy’s. Bellamy prompted himself up on his free hand, letting Murphy turn around and look at him. 

“I dunno...I like deep dish pizza, muffins, cute people, fernet, uh...you?” he ventured, a shy smile spread across his freckles face. 

“How long have you liked me?” 

“Since I met you. Do you...you like me?” 

“Since I met you.”

The silence that followed was a companionable one. A silence filled with the knowledge that for once someone knew the full story, that for once they weren’t alone. A silence knowing that if one of them said to stop the kisses would go no further, linger no longer. A silence knowing that if one of them started crying the other would be ready to help; Knowing that there was no ‘just me’ mentality left in the room. 

It was a special, star spangled, black and white silence.

**Author's Note:**

> this is just a little filler story for the time being. It's cute, it's fluff, and I hope you enjoyed.
> 
> Please review and tell me what you think :)  
> You can also contact me on tumblr @murdurphy.tumblr.com


End file.
